"Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love."
—Lamentations 3:32
"Grief is the normal and natural reaction to a loss of any kind" (The Grief Recovery Handbook). I like this definition because it is so very true. I used to think of grief as a response to a tragedy or death. But truth be told, grief goes far beyond death. We experience so many losses in many aspects of life that sometimes we do not even realize that we are grieving. THIS. WAS. ME. Maybe I should not use past tense since I am still learning. I, like many of you, have experienced various losses throughout my lifetime. Many of these losses, I tried to suck it up and move on because truth be told, that is how many of us, including me have learned to deal with grief and loss. However, over the past 2 1/2 years, I have been consumed with a feeling of loss like no other. Many reading, this may not understand. You may even be thinking, nobody died, or nobody's terminally ill. Well, all of that may be true, the loss of the life that I thought I knew has caused me great anguish. It has been an extremely hard change yet such a beautiful change for me, Mark, our marriage, and our family.
My Billings, Montana family introduced me to a program that I feel is going to bring about positive changes to me and my future. Although this family doesn't even know, they probably introduced me to something that I truly needed, I will forever be grateful. It honestly all started with a Facebook share asking to support a good cause. So, I bought a sweatshirt. Once I got the sweatshirt, I did some more research into the nonprofit organization that I was supporting. I immediately got a sense that I needed to do this. So, me being me, and not a procrastinator, I dove right in head first.
I am participating in a grief outreach, and I can do this via zoom. Program already has taught me so much and I have a feeling that I may be using this as a possible career in the future. This program has truly touched my heartstrings, and I just have this overwhelming feeling that this was meant to be.
I won't go more into this right now, but I wanted to share some things that I have been up to. It has already been a month since I have updated last. Wow! Time sure flies. Last time I update, we had celebrated Kalli's 18th birthday and Gunnar's 1st birthday. Bailee celebrated her 25th birthday December 2. What a milestone to celebrate! It is hard to imagine that 25 years ago I was taken by ambulance to Bismarck on a very icy night. The unknowns were so overwhelming-would our 1 lb 14 oz baby survive? Would I survive the traumatic birth? Fast forward 25 years and Bailee has far beyond exceeded expectations that she was given at birth. God works miracles and Bailee is by far one of those extraordinary miracles. Any of you that follow Bailee on social media know that she is living life to the fullest.
December has been busy with getting ready for Christmas and planning Justine and Justin's upcoming wedding reception in January. Mark and I are planning on making most of the food and we can't wait to celebrate with friends and family. We had a nice quiet Christmas at home. On Christmas Eve it was Mark, Kalli, my mom, Paislee, Gunnar and me. Christmas Day it Johnsons came over as well as Kathy, Dale, and Kaydence. It was unusually quiet, but so much fun and way too much food (as usual). We are hopefully dealing with the tail end of this unusual December ice storm. A lot of power outages all over the state and here we were worried over our 5-hour outage. I must say, I am so thankful for electricity, and I think I had better invest in some candles to have for times like these. The hours without TV were nice and it forced us to talk. Although Mark and Kalli were not amused at some of the games that I suggested we play.
Since it is the end of the year, I will quickly reflect on our year of adventures and growth.
January-Mark, Kalli, Paislee, and I traveled to Florida to visit Bailee and Tristan. So many fun adventures such as an airboat tour, St. Augustine, and Epcot. While we were gone, Mark's mom Cleone passed away. We celebrated her life with a house full of family. Gunnar John was baptized.
February-Mark celebrated his 51st birthday. Kalli participated in "A Night to Shine." We did a lot of ice fishing.
March-Chelee got a nice new shiny red pickup. Justine celebrated her 25th birthday. Lots of overnight visits from our 2 favorite little people. We lost my Auntie Kay unexpectedly.
April-Mark celebrated 2 years of sobriety. My mom celebrated her 80th birthday and we had a surprise party for her in Fargo with lots of family.
May-Mark got to cross a fishing trip to Lake Erie off his bucket list. Me and my Beve visited Bailee and Tristan in Florida. Wow did we have a great time! We visited Daytona Speedway, had brunch at Chef Mickey's, visited the world’s largest McDonalds, and so much more.
June-we spent a lot of time at the lake. Mark and I celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary. After much thought and a wife who is not a procrastinator, Mark decided to get his fishing guide license. He has found his true calling and loves it and he looks forward to hopefully working it into a full time job.
July-Bailee came home for a visit, and we had a great time cramming in the memories.
August-we spent a lot of time at the lake. Kalli started her junior year of high school. Mark and I met Bailee and Tristan in Seattle, and we spent a few days here before embarking on another bucket list trip-Alaska. The beauty of Alaska did not disappoint, and the cruise was so fun. We won enough money on the ship to pay for our entire trip.
September-We returned from Alaska after Labor Day. Justine, Paislee, Gunnar, and my mom surprised Bailee by showing up in Florida. They had a great time and got to see Bailee and Tristan's new home before us. Paislee turned 2 the end of September.
October-After a lot of rough drafts and many years in the making, I finally finished and was able to publish a book. This was a huge accomplishment, and I am so glad that I did it. Kalli, Avery, Kaydence, and I went to a Bison game and had front row seats.
November-I celebrated my last birthday in my 40's. Kalli celebrated her 18th birthday and Gunnar celebrated his 1st birthday. Mark, me, Sheila, Ron, and Kalli took a short trip to see Bailee and Tristan. We surprised Kalli with trip, and it was so fun. Mark got to check another thing off his bucket list-seeing a 49ers game in person.
December-Bailee celebrated her 25th birthday. We celebrated a quiet Christmas at home.
So, here we are about to begin a new year. I hope to achieve some new things and am excited to share them with you as they evolve. I hope each one of you have had a great 2023 and I hope you have an even better 2024. May you all be blessed. Remember to pause and look around at all the miracles that surround us each day. May you find peace and happiness within.
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